(Picture source: Pinterest)
It is waaaay past midnight and insomnia has struck again. I have a good book that it turns out I will not be reading tonight as planned.
Day dreams and nightmares… I wonder why they are so called… But for now, I wish I could day dream. Instead here I am with thoughts I would rather leave somewhere else. So here goes:
On rape & sexual assault… Causes, excuses, consequences, and healing…
By the way, does it seem like the stories are somehow getting more common to the extent our reactions have moved from shock to “oh, another one of those…but what’s wrong with this world?” before we get back to whatever it was we were doing before, or if it’s a news story switch channels for a while so we don’t even have to think about it.
Dark thoughts? Maybe….For some people.
But for others, it is a reality they deal with.
For some it is their story; or their sister’s/brother’s; a parent’s; a friend’s; a patient’s; a wife’s/husband’s, a daughter’s/son’s, list is endless.
A secret they never share; a shame they carry; wounds they cover up more often than you can imagine.
Some say/believe the person brought it upon themselves. In most cases the raped is convinced of the same-
Surely, it must be something he/she did…Maybe a wrong signal, or their ‘NO’ wasn’t emphatic enough; maybe it was the clothes they wore or how they wore them, or that they were stupid enough to walk/run/be alone in the area.
Because what else could possess another human being to exert themselves so brutally?…Something they did must have awakened the ‘animal’ in the other person.
Could they have stopped it, prevented it, or even fought harder against it?
Some say “that was terrible!! But you gotta move on”… And in a way they are right, life doesn’t necessarily stop because terrible things happened. But what is ‘move on’??
What about their friends, doctors, colleagues, pastors…The people who care about them… How do you even begin to address such evil? The kind whose wounds may have healed completely on the outside but may be rotting inside?
How do you deal with the insecurity, the constant or occasional fear. This is assuming you even know. Chances are there may be a woman/man or even more than one person in your life who have been subject to this and never told you(okay, don’t do that… Yes, don’t look at the next person and wonder if they are one of them)
And the rapist/assaulter:
Maybe they didn’t get arrested, because how many people actually report these cases?
How does he manage to go about his day so normally, like he didn’t just destroy a soul?
How does he face his mother, siblings, wife/girlfriend and children knowing well he wouldn’t wish it upon them (assuming he has them)?
How does he kiss his mother’s brow without squirming?
What if he sees his victim(s), how does he manage to overlook them and his acts, how does he manage to go to bed at night and not wonder if he may be mentally ill?
The victim:
How does he/she not let that one incident define him/her?
How do they tell of their experience without having people they care about start to look at and treat them different?
How do they begin to let any man/woman in through the walls and barricades that have gone up and been reinforced, both physically and emotionally?
How does he/she teach his/her children to be tough, open and kind at the same time without letting his/her own demons interfere?
How does he/she, when he/she has healed or at least made some progress..Help others with similar stories know there is hope and start their own healing journey without it clawing at his/her own semi healed wounds?
I know! No sin is greater than another, God loves us all and forgives us when we truly repent. (If you don’t subscribe to this belief system, it’s okay)
I also know there are so many other evils all around us that affect us, people we know, people we have never heard of…. But tonight, this is what’s on my mind……
As this and many more thoughts cross my mind, many of them too huge or even too complicated for my awake but tired mind to even consider… another thought crosses my mind. Could it be that some things I have done or still do are in some way destroying a soul? As a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend… how often do I stop, if ever, to consider the fact that my actions or even words may cause such damage to those around me. Maybe I think I am not too bad because, well, I am not a criminal. I have not killed or assaulted anyone.
Yet, isn’t it true that my words may kill something, maybe a dream or hope, or a budding good character trait in another?
So yes, the good book says we ALL have sinned and fallen short. As in ALL, without exception.
My hope is that I may be part of a generation that heals more wounds than we cause, both those seen and unseen. That we may be the reason lives, families, communities, nations, and continents find healing. That we may be the generation that raises a generation of men and women of great character, who will lead themselves, their families, workplaces and communities with the knowledge of how much power they truly carry, constantly aware and concerned with how their actions may affect others.
Insomnia is a common sleep disorder that can make it hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep, or cause you to wake up too early and not be able to get back to sleep. (Source: mayoclinic.org)
Belinda K 