Started writing this and suddenly it was too long. So here goes the continuation. The taking stock series are an idea of what it might look like when we pause to see what we are up to on a random day. For me, it leads me to ask questions like “what does this tell me about myself?”, “what does it remind me of?”… It doesn’t even have to be that serious. So today, I am:
Wishing: I had the energy, both physical and mental, to do all the things I want to, should, and are supposed to, do. I find myself with the time, the space, etc to do so many things but on most days, absolutely no energy to get anything done. Someone pointed out that this could be more of a mental issue and maybe it was. Who knew that getting out of bed could be so hard some days? I also wish I could end world hunger, domestic violence, and corruption.
Enjoying: The free time I have had this year. I have to admit this only happened recently. I did not appreciate it for most of the year. I constantly felt guilty for slowing down, almost got depressed over it. Recently, I was able to see it for the gift it has been, understand that it will not always be this way, and purpose to be grateful for it. So yes, now I sleep in, not because I am depressed, but because I know a time is coming when this will be but a dream.
Loving: Being in my 30s. There’s so much I want to share on this topic but I believe this needs to be unfolded over time. I foresee many a blog post on this topic in the future. Unlike Kamala Harris (I have to put something here that tells you I am not locked away in some cave), I am not the first woman to be here. I am also not the last. But I am the only me in my exact mind, body, circumstances, and on my journey. And no, I do not have a guide for your 30s. But I would like to say to every 20 something out there who may feel that they are running out of time to do everything and be all things that your 30s are not hell (unless you are stocking some fires right now…) as you may have been warned. They are just another decade that brings you an opportunity to do better, or worse; to grow and learn, or not; to make strides, or stay stuck… Just another decade.
Hoping: to set up a pretty solid routine that will help me get in the right mind frame every morning, manage my time well, get everything done, balance my energy, and be the person I wish to be, a well-balanced one (all this time we just knew we needed balanced meals but we also need balanced people).. I am curious to know what your current routine looks like btw. Please share in the comments.
Smelling: Sunshine. I know, what does sunshine smell like? In this particular case, it is a blend of freshly done laundry, dusted rooms, the wind blowing through my open bedroom window. I think my favorite scent of all would be that of sunshine and clean clothes, that scent that perfectly dried clothes after washing have when the sun is just right (warm but not burning, bright but not blinding, the kind you notice and appreciate as opposed to the one that seems to be playing games with the clouds or fighting wars we know nothing about).
Looking forward: To having my very first book published next month.. That, next to not giving up, will be my highest accomplishment for this year. I have struggled with this book. What to write about, how to write about it. How it may affect those around me, whether I should even write about anything (self-doubt is real, people!). I have drafted manuscripts and then gone back and deleted the whole thing after a few chapters simply because they didn’t “make sense” to me. As I type this, I am doing my final draft of a book about a topic that is very close to my heart. I am plagued by so much self-criticism (yep, so bad that no one else has even seen this draft yet). But the manuscript will go to the editor in 2 days! And after that, I cannot retrieve it or cancel it. Mostly because, it is a major requirement for me to graduate. I so cannot wait to have this book out and to share it with others.
Noticing: That my cup of tea run cold as I was typing these posts and now I need to go warm it. This is quite common for me. I don’t eat very hot food, can’t eat cold food, yet I eat and drink slowly (I don’t know what that means but I eat slower than people around me, I think I should start a club of slow eaters…). So I tend to warm my food and drink at least twice during a meal.
Knowing: that I am exactly where I ought to be. You would think that’s an obvious one, right? I don’t know about you but I tend to second guess myself so often. When things seem to go too well, when they don’t, and when I feel unsettled. I usually begin to try identify the culprit, the reason for the imperfections and so often it is a location, a situation, a season, etc. As a Christian I have had to keep reminding myself that God doesn’t make mistakes at all and as such, I am here for such a time as this.
Belinda K 